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Brock Samson
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Walking Swedish Murder Machine
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Added by OdelledoName: Brock Samson
Age: 43
Height: 6'7" (estimate)
Weight: 250 lbs
Born: Omaha, Nebraska
Occupation: SPHINX agent, ex-bodyguard, ex-secret agent
Loyalties: Formerly OSI; currently Team Venture (questionable), SPHINX
Series: The Venture Bros.
Canon point: 4.08, Pinstripes & Poltergeists
Room number: 509, with Molotov
Arrival: 23 June, 2010
Loss: Bowie knife
Tropes: Badass, Berserk Button, Biggus Dickus, Doesn't Like Guns, Improbable Weapon User, Jerk With A Heart Of Gold, Made Of Iron, Rated M For Manly, Smoking Is Cool
Journal: samson
Player: User:Odelledo
Skills & AbilitiesEdit
Being a badass.
AppearanceEdit
First of all, Brock is tall. Like, really tall. Like, towering-over-most-everybody tall. His shoulders are broad, his body barrel-chested, and his hands enormous. He is very obviously muscular, but isn't "cut" or "ripped" -- he is solidly built like a workhorse, for brute strength and pure power. The term "regulation haircut" is something Brock has tried to avoid since he was twenty-three, and after a series of unfortunate styles, he is currently sporting what can only be described as a mullet. Brock's sense of fashion is, shall we say, questionable -- in addition to his clothing being a little too tight for him, as if finding clothes that fit his massive frame properly is a huge ordeal, they are also slightly ridiculous-looking on a guy his size. Somebody as huge as Brock Samson has no business wearing white chinos and ringer t-shirts, seriously. Brock does not scar easily, which is a good thing, given how much damage he has sustained over the years, but he does have two distinguishing marks: a half-finished tattoo on his right bicep of the Swan Song Records logo, and a metal plate on the surface of his chest covering the entirety of his sternum.
PersonalityEdit
Brock: No, no. Well, I mean I don't always kill them or anything. Just like a bruise or two as a little reminder.
Added by OdelledoStraight-faced and sarcastic, Brock is usually pretty quiet, preferring to let his actions speak for him. He demands respect from everyone he meets, and is prone to flying into bouts of rage when anyone dares cross him. He can be something of a "berserker" -- certain things will set him off with seemingly no provocation, and it will take him awhile to snap out of it. This happens less frequently in recent years, however, as he has mellowed somewhat with age.
Brock takes certain things very seriously: namely, his family. If anyone seriously threatens the Venture twins (and, to a lesser extent, Dr. Venture), he will fly into a full-on protective rage. Thus, it can be surmised that, despite his terrifying appearance and the fact that he is an unabashed badass, Brock Samson does, in fact, have an enormous heart.
Although he can be a bit of a jerk at times, Brock is essentially, deep down, a good person. He thinks nothing of murdering dozen upon dozen of "evil" men, but he also abides by a strict moral code. Brock will not, under any circumstances, lethally harm women or children, and doesn't use guns because he finds them dishonorable.
HistoryEdit
Brock was born, and then he kicked ass.
Paradisa RundownEdit
WOW I NEED TO FUCKIN' EDIT THIS
Current activitiesEdit
- Living with Molotov
- Constantly rebuilding his dumb cabin
RelationshipsEdit
If you have spoken to Brock at length and have what you would consider CR with him, please add yourself in and I'll fill out the rest! ♥
Guys who are hereEdit
- Alleria Windrunner - Hot elf lady.
- Combat Instructor Alleyne - Another hot elf lady.
- Anthony J. Crowley - This guy is a devil or something. He is sort of a jackass but wow he has a nice car.
- Ashura-ou - what is this I don't even
- Asano Rin - An actual sane person in this crazy hellhole?! SHOCK!! She went with him to get weapons when Paradisa turned medieval.
- Clark Kent - Clark is Clark.
- Corporal Maladict -
Some tomboy.A VAMPIRE. Permanently smug, which is annoying, though she seems to be relatively sane. When she momentarily went insane, Brock knocked her unconscious with a coffee pot. One of Brock's best bros. - Cross Marian - Some guy the Windrunners know. Has freaky coffin-summoning powers (?) Also he is friends with Molotov GO AWAY
- Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky IV - a crazy person.
- Faye Valentine - Made out with her during Christmas magic stuff. Would really not mind doing that again, without the magic part.
- Felix Harrowgate - Not too bad for a magic guy.
- Gaignun Kukai, Jr. - One of Sylvanas's friends (?!?!). Went into the Dead Zone with him and Sylvanas in search of Vereesa.
- Harmony Kendall - A hot girl.
- Jet Black - Spike's friend.
- Julia - Probably drove Crowley's car into Brock's cabin. Probably the woman Spike has a thing for.
- Kallen Kouzuki - She gave Brock a flashlight once.
- Kate Kane - Absolutely Brock's type of woman except Brock is not her type because he's not a woman.
- Kitty Pryde - Training her in Judo. She has superpowers or whatever.
- Kermit the Frog - Molotov has a friend what's happening
- Lois Lane - Writes these badass reports about stuff.
- Mark Hunter (Hard Harry) - A teenage boy with a lotta opinions.
- Mindy Macready (Hit Girl) - A crazy, violent little girl who swears more than he does. Brock has intense avuncular feelings for her because of his huge, dumb heart.
- Molotov Cocktease - Brock's girlfriend/fiancee/whatever. They have an incredibly long, incredibly violent, incredibly complicated history.
- Nepeta Leijon - who is this person why is she so cute oh my god
- Nora Diniro - a teenage girl with a lotta opinions
- Nikola Tesla - mnnnnnnghhhh huge asshole vampire douchebag
- Pinkie Pie - TINY PINK HORSE WHY
- Sir Durge - wow somebody even more awkward and uptight than Brock
- Spike Spiegel - One of Brock's best bros. Spike lives in the cabin Brock built, when there aren't holes in the walls.
- Sylvanas Windrunner - Hot but
kinda creepyUNDEAD AAAH. Very cautious about her; could possibly be evil. Can't decide if he wants to hit that. - Vereesa Windrunner - Hot elf lady, though she's married (also he keeps forgetting that). He seems to run into her when she's having bad luck.
- Yuan - De facto leader of Peace Patrol.
Guys who are goneEdit
- Agent Jay - Fought alongside him twice during the demon invasion. Brock is sure he's government.
- Ash Ketchum - One of those people with "pokemon". From a really insane planet.
- Dr. Venture - Brock's ex-employer from home, and probably one of his closest friends, despite his jackassy tendencies.
- Eunice Bloom - A very attractive redhead who knows how to handle a gun. Obviously Brock likes her a lot. She made him a camouflage afghan.
- Guido Carosella - no
- Han Solo - you were cool, come back
- Lana Kane - another spy who was actually competent
- Logan - Brock used to use this guy as a lumberjack.
- Mat Cauthon - Another sane person. Why did you leave ........
- The Monarch - The Monarch is being suspiciously quiet. Brock's sure he's up to something.
- Puddleglum - WHY ARE YOU SO SAD
- Raine Sage - Magic elf lady. Very smart. Helped Brock put in some knocked-out teeth.
- Riza Wildman - A girl he had a lot in common with. Now that she's gone, maybe he'll move out onto the lawn instead ...
- Roy Harper - Hats off to Roy Harper.
- Seeley Booth - This guy was a good bro.
- Sora - the happiest boy on the planet
- Sterling Archer - another spy who was a jackass
- Turalyon - Seems nice enough, though maybe a little uptight.
Other stuffEdit
Miscellaneous canon factsEdit
- half-Swedish, one quarter Polish, and one quarter Winnebago
- lost his virginity at fourteen
- has a brother
- favorite band is Led Zeppelin
- owns a 1969 Dodge Charger (named "Adrienne"), has converted the engine to 100% electric
- makes a pretty awesome grilled cheese sandwich
- good at sewing
- plays bass guitar
- once jerked off twelve times in one day just to see if he could
- can tell, from anywhere in the world, if someone is in his car. It's a legitimate superpower
Miscellaneous head-canon factsEdit
- doesn't like cats
- has dreams/nightmares about Molotov Cocktease every single night
- is probably going to need reading glasses in a couple years
- has a terrible accent when speaking any foreign language
VideosEdit
- Badass montage - y-you can only watch this if you are in the US, sorry
Odell's personal favorite ways Brock has killed guys in canonEdit
- pinning a guy to a wall with a working lawnmower
- impaling a guy with a caulk gun and filling him with caulk
- pole vaulting off a guy's head
- pulled a man's eyes from his sockets and made him dance like a marionette with his own optic nerves (off camera)
- stabbing Hitler to death (no, really)
