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Dave Strider
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STATS
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NAME: Dave Strider
CANON: MS Paint Adventures: Homestuck
CANON-POINT: Entering the portal in [S] Descend at the end of act 4.
AGE: 13
BIRTHDATE: December 3, 1995. (Sort of.)
LOSS: The ability to switch his sylladex from the hash map fetch modus he had at the beginning of his game; additionally, the ability to check the 'detect collisions' option on his fetch modus. He'll have to be really, really careful if he puts anything large, heavy, pointy, or otherwise potentially dangerous in it or else he might end up ejecting it out of his sylladex and… well.
ROOM: 412
MUN: Thano
THEMESONGS: Beatdown (Strider Style) and Beatdown Round 2, both on the third Homestuck OST; Bitch I'm the Bomb Like Tick Tick -- Lil Wayne
TROPES: Cool Shades, Deadpan Snarker, Genre Savvy, Insufferable Genius, Pretty Fly For A White Guy
HISTORYEdit
PERSONALITYEdit
If it's not ironic, he doesn't like it. That's pretty much all you need to know about Dave Strider, besides the fact that he's the most badass motherfucker that ever toasted a sicknasty beat on a sampler. You have simply never met a more chill, more hip, more ironic thirteen year old in your life. He's got a vocabulary bigger than most third world countries, an ego as bloated as a hundred beached whales, and a heart that grows three sizes whenever he needs it to wait what.
Dave Strider, if we may start over, is a budding hipster/bro hybrid (with something else thrown in just to give him flavor because when you're ironic, all the other labels tend to matter less) with a taste for music and photography and preserving dead things in jars and having epic sword fights with his Big Bro on the roof (before you ask, live steel and his katanas aren't shit, okay). He lives in an apartment alone with his big brother in a city vaguely situated in Texas (rumors indicate it's actually Houston) before he plays this shit game with his friends called Sburb that starts a meteoric apocalypse in his hometown (and cues an epic duel with his bro) and eventually transports his apartment to a world filled with lava called the Land of Heat and Clockwork where he begins to play a game that's like a cross between an action adventure, a real time strategy, and the Sims, except it's real life and his friend Jade has control over the mouse. If you can't tell yet, this is all very complicated, so let's just stick with the facts.
Dave's a pretty special kid. He has three online friends, John, Rose, and Jade, with whom he talks to (and antagonizes) constantly. Despite his ironic personality (and his massive superiority complex), he appears to care for and trust in them quite sincerely. He uses every last mad skill he has (and he has quite a few - mad hacking, music, swordplay, photography, enjoying movies ironically, recently time-travel) to protect and defend his friends from doing incredibly stupid things, and feels that he can confide some of his doubts and fears to Rose, with whom he has a hostile friendship with. He can spout out lines and lines of ill beats on the fly and can successfully reverse-troll a troll (if you don't believe me - seriously, he comes up with at least five extremely colorful euphemisms for sucking his dick), and seems to go unfazed by pretty much everything.
However, like I said, he's kind of a insufferable asshole. He often sticks his nose into things he really shouldn't, then acts blasé when he gets caught in the act. He has zero sympathy for people who aren't his friends, and rags on his friends anyway (except for Jade, for whom he seems to have a soft spot). Therein lie his weaknesses - people often don't believe him on the rare cases where he's trying to help them, he's a little forgetful because he assumes that he doesn't forget anything important, he gets into fights that he can't handle (and gets his ass handed to him for it), and he tends to ignore good advice when he thinks he has a better plan. Basically, he's the epitome of a thirteen year old douchebag.
He also has a problem with expressing his feelings when things really do freak him out - he has a long-standing, mostly subconscious fear of puppets, but pretends to ironically enjoy the disturbingly fetishistic puppets that his brother fills the apartment with because he hero-worships him. Wherein lies another problem with Dave - anyone he admires or likes beyond ironic reason has a lot of influence over what he says and does. He will literally bend over backwards and lick his balls if his bro thinks it's the cool thing to do; he will refuse to drink anything if John says that someone pissed in it. At his very center, he's a kid who is really desperate to please the people he trusts, and will go any length to make sure they respect and admire him back. One of his struggles in the story is coming to realize that he often forces himself to act like the person he projects because he wants to fulfill peoples' expectations of him, and being himself - really himself, the cool, caring guy underneath all the pretension and arrogance and maladjustment - isn't a bad thing at all.
But until then, he's a dysfunctional, offensive little son of a bitch who wears his Ben Stiller shades ironically and only SOMETIMES has a very special place in his heart for cute girls and small animals. He will beat you if you even hint otherwise.
(also, he may or may not be a furry.)
POWERS AND ABILITIESEdit
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in my dream |
RELATIONSHITSEdit
hahaha it says shit
CANONEdit
john: Best. Fucking. Bro. Ever. Even after the brain leeches incident. SORRY BRO. He will think up something FUCKNASTY for Christmas to make up for it.
rose: snippy bookshrew
jade: pretty okay but in his grill all the time
aT: worst damn troll unless he seriously wants to suck on his ballpark and then he just isnt a troll
gC: weirdly flirtatious, apparently a girl.
PARADISAEdit
barney: awesome...?
carrie kelly: eh
coraline: mouthy broad
jessica: chatty, acts like a bro
justinia: shut up shut up shut up you are blowing his cover ;;
mindy: scrapbook girl
xena: oh jegus fuck
OTHER STUFF I GUESSEdit
- lives in a high-rise apartment in houston, texas with his bro, but the place wasn't stocked with food all the time. so he keeps his own groceries in his closet. i have no idea what the boy did for his greens, but he survived, so. 8|a
- has been this awesome since he was a baby. he could flashstep before he could walk. yes, seriously.
- has given three trolls trollboners. kind of turns on ALL THE BITCHES. ALL OF THEM.
except they're mostly guys and he does it by accident, herpderp - always wears his shades. always.
- ... because his eyes are red. which is definitely not a normal color??? but they're fucking gorgeous. seriously. he's... very insecure about them. lol...
- the only way to make him insecure otherwise is to rap about puppet porn or furry porn at him. or both. please don't.
